(new here? read this first.)
Happy 2011. I’m Daniel.
I’ve become obsessed with desserts. In fact, I’ve become quite the expert. It happened shortly after I stopped drinking booze. Apparently I still needed that sugar. So I started looking at sweets in a new way. Cheesecake seemed appealing. Crème Brulee beckoned. Carrot cake called.
I’ve always enjoyed dessert after dinner. But, in the past, I typically opted for an after dinner drink instead. Limoncello would look longingly at me. Grappa gaped. Scotch stared. And as a result, I always went for a liquid option as my reward. A piece of pie would only get in the way of some ouzo. Gulp.
I gulped some good stuff too. I became a huge fan of scotch – Scapa 16 yr single malt being one of my favorites. I embraced rum with enthusiasm, often bringing back Cuban Havana Club when traveling overseas; It’s sweetness and smoothness – definitely a dessert. And I went euro bling from time to time, with a Louis XIII de Rémy Martin. I made the most of each sip. I knew how to order a drink. And I often felt the cruel effects of a hangover.
I’ve not had a hangover since switching over to cakes, pies, cookies, ice cream or chocolate. In fact, I’ve never felt better. Now, instead of sipping on a scotch on the rocks on my couch, you’ll find me on that same couch stuffing my face with a chocolate croissant, filled with strawberries and whipped cream.
Now that’s what I call progress.
Homemade carrot cake
(Casey here…hi!)
Walnuts tear up my mouth.
I know because there is a pie at a restaurant in Salt Lake that has a filling similar to cookie dough that is simply filled with walnuts.
It is a delicious pie, but the next day my mouth is very sad. I’ll spare you the details, because they’re gross. But I’ll still eat walnuts on occasion, until I remember why it is that I don’t eat them.
Band-aids make me break out in a perfectly shaped band-aid rash. Especially when I’m pregnant. In fact, anything medically stuck to me while I’m pregnant leaves behind these horrible itchy rashes. I once spent a whole day in a hospital while seven months pregnant and it was quite a shock to see the dozens of red welts from where various medical devices had been stuck to me.
Kiwis make my mouth tingle. Avocados make my throat itch. But I don’t really care about those, because kiwis are delicious and avocados are akin to perfection.
My little kid is allergic to carrots. Nothing else, just carrots. If she eats them she barfs. And carrot barf is gross.
I wonder how many people throughout her childhood are going to attempt to feed her carrots only to have her look up with her big blue eyes and say “but I’m allergic to carrots.“
“Sure you are kid, sure you are.”
But she really is, so if you try to feed her carrots? You’re keeping her for 24 hours. Because as I mentioned, carrot barf, gross.
I used to tell people I was allergic to cigarettes and that’s why I didn’t want to smoke or be around smoke. Saying I was allergic always went over better than “I think it’s a gross disgusting habit and I hate smelling like an ashtray.” I once saw a girl at an Italian restaurant send back her fettuccine because it had pepper on it and she was apparently allergic to pepper.
Allergic to pepper?
Not going to lie here, I’ve used the allergic to pepper excuse, even though I’m not. I just hate pepper and don’t understand when chefs surprise you with a giant splotch of it on top of your food. Tell me it’s there in the menu and I’ll ask you to leave it off, surprise me with it?
I’m allergic.
I cannot digest artichokes properly (i.e. I’m in agonizing general discomfort for hours on end) Rather than try to describe it to anyone I just tell them I’m allergic.
To artichokes.
Whatever, it works.
Oh man…green apples, if I eat the apple and the skin?
Same as you and the artichokes.
I just ate a *giant* artichoke and then read this. I’m so sorry.
Oh my stinkin’ heck… I get band-aid-shaped welts, too! I’ve never known anyone else besides me to have this problem. And I’ve discovered that it’s not *all* band-aids, only certain kinds… the plastic ones are usually more okay than the fabric flex ones. No idea why.
DeliriumTremens, a really good Belgian beer, makes my throat tickle, but in a way that makes me have to cough and feel like I’m choking. I’ve never had that experience with any other beer (or anything else for that matter).
And I, too, used to say I was allergic to cigarette smoke. Gross.
But I love pepper.
We’re Band-aid welt sisters.
And that beer, it just sounds dangerous.
I have quite a few things to say regarding this post. First, because I’m a foodie trapped in the body of 114 lb girl. Second, because I just drank 1/2 a bottle of Santa Margaherita. Third, because I lie and say I’m allergic to cilantro because I find it foul. But mostly it’s because I threw up carrot juice once.
In middle school, I told my mom I was too sick to go to school. She didn’t believe me and gave me a glass of homemade carrot juice. I got to school and thew up carrot juice all over the staff bathroom.
Although I’m not allergic to carrots, I will forever say I’m allergic to carrot juice (which is just gross anyway).
The end.